Ok, before I start let me get one thing straight: I promise I'm not a bad person. Charity is a great thing, and I'm all for helping others. However - the prospect of TOMS shoes makes me want to club an infant seal. I first saw Tom, (my first assumption was that the brand was named after a person, but apparently that makes too much sense) whose real name is Blake Mycoskie on TV. My retinas were burned with sad, impoverished children whose hopeful little hearts made mine break. As the commercial plays, Blake descends like an angel from above bearing...shoes? All right...I figure this could count as my good deed for the day, so I head to the online TOMS store and click on the "Mens" tab. The first thing that caught my attention was the price tag.
"$68 FREAKING DOLLARS? Seriously?" To keep my eyes from twitching too much, I mutter to myself, "Do it for the little African children who really need shoes..." After footing the bill, my conscience is lightened and I'm actually excited when the shoes arrive in the mail. Unfortunately, my size nine feet didn't really match my new size nine shoes - at all. "For the children Cam, for the children..." After wearing them around town and having increasingly large numbers of people inquire about the strange slippers adorning my feet, the last shred of patience was wearing thin. Then, on the way out of the grocery store, I managed to trip on the curb...AND RIP THE %@!& SHOE. That's right kiddos, my big toe now sported a brand spanking new breezeway. The shoes are just shoddily made - plain and simple. I guess poor kids enjoy wearing shoes that last for no longer than 5 minutes.
After this epic fail, my rage extended to the company itself. What were they thinking? I imagine it was along the lines of: "Hey look. Your country is facing a brutal civil war, an AIDS epidemic, and a good portion of its population is starving to death. Have some craptastic shoes. Excuse me while we go back to California and count the money we made off of the stupid indie kids who were dumb enough to pay for the same craptastic shoes." I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Shoes don't prevent AIDS. Shoes don't feed hungry mouths. Shoes don't stop bullets. (But from what I saw in the commercial, shoes make kids better at soccer.) While the whole foundation of TOMS shoes is built on good intentions, I think it's time to focus on some of the more pressing matters at hand.
With all of this being said, LET THE HATING OF ME BEGIN!
Much Love,
Cam
pahaha Cam.. Although I support Toms shoes because they're ridiculously comfortable, your rage is hilarious. I legitimately laughed while reading this. I might add that both of my shoes are still in one piece.
ReplyDeleteP.S. your "about me" section is kind of creeptastic.
So comfortable.
ReplyDeleteI got all 3 pairs of my TOMS for 40ish.
"Wearing shoes prevents feet from getting cuts and sores on unsafe roads and from contaminated soil. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected. The leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted parasites which penetrate the skin through open sores."
Shoes do prevent disease.
TOMS stands for TOMorrow's Shoes. I don't know why they chose that, but I don't think it was ever supposed to be from anyone's name.
ReplyDeleteI love the rage.
ReplyDeleteLol I always thought Tom was a person...
ReplyDeleteOH Cam. You made me laugh. I feel like you should rant some more and then publish a book. I'd read it.
ReplyDeleteTom is not a person. And I'm pretty sure everyone but you knew that. Love you anyways!
Oh, teamo. And I concur, shoes do actually prevent disease. Well not disease per se, but parasites that are much more common in third world countries that don't just need open sores to enter unshod feet. I'm sorry you had a crappy day with your TOMs though.
ReplyDeleteHaha...I really also like that my confirm you're a human word was bario...which is a lot like barrio
ReplyDeleteNice rage...However, I would like take credit for the word "craptastic"...I believe it is even emblazoned on the wall by my desk at school.
ReplyDeleteCam, this is hilarious.. I largely agree with your dislike of toms, as I myself find them to be a lot of feel good hoopla. I won't hate on them too much, though, because I recognize that it's at least doing some good in the world- admittedly less good than fanatical toms fans realize- but nonetheless good.
ReplyDeleteBlake Mycoskie is visiting Tulane this week and I'll be sure to hear him talk and tell him how AWESOME I think his company is =D
ReplyDelete