Pants Should Cover Your Buttocks

Move over Larry Platt, a new pant protector is in town, and he means BUSINESS.  This time, New York Senator (and NYPD captain) Eric Adams is out to crack down on well...crack.  Will he be able to successfully pull people's waistbands up from their deepest, darkest depths?

HOW CAN THEY EVEN WALK?

OK that's enough with the awesome terrible saggy pants jokes.

Seriously though, Adams recently started an ad campaign to fight the epidemic of low riding jeans that has swept our nation.  He set up six enormous billboards in Brooklyn at the first of the month to raise awareness about the..."dangers"...of such a horrendous fashion statement.  The signs show male models with their pants clinging on for dear life at the lowest elevation possible, which in turn leads to exposed knickers.  Such graphic images are displayed next to deep, truly insightful statements such as: "Stop the sag!" and "We are better than this!"

Photo by Kristopher Radder
Oh Lordy!  Shield your children's' eyes!

First, when did someone decide that promoting a public dress code was worthy of political capital in the first place?  Second, before we throw money into such a matter, shouldn't we try and clean up in more important areas first?  From what I understand, Adams funded the project using campaign funds.  However, I don't see how this would attract voters as a successful campaign strategy - it might even get him capped if he sets foot inside the wrong neighborhood.

Taking the title "fashion police" to a whole new level.

Adams' argument is that since the fashion originated in prisons across the US during the 1990's, young people are essentially emulating convicts; naturally we would want to avoid this.  Still, they're freaking pants.  PANTS PEOPLE.  If you don't wear them properly it just looks like you never learned how to dress yourself like a normal human being, and that my friends is punishment enough if you ask me.

Cam

Signing Off From a Small Town

I'm writing this from a quaint little motel (the Stagecoach Inn), which happens to be barely beating smack dab in the middle of East Texas; more specifficaly, the little town of Woodville.  What business would I have way out here you ask?  I am here for the 67th annual Dogwood Festival, a wonderful smalltown celebration of spring's enterance and winter's exit.  The whole thing is surprisingly pagan sounding - which is strange for a bible thumping small town like Woodville.  Anyway, part of the "dogwood experience" involves my twin sister coming to the festival as a "visiting dutchess" which means she has to attend a Jean Fling and a Kingsman Ball, as well as riding in the local parade and participating in a beauty pageant.  Now, if you know my sister, you may be wondering how on earth we convinced her to enter a freaking pageant.  Our answer?  She agreed to it.

The REAL answer?  Stange family traditions I will never even begin to understand forced her to comply. 

I could be hear all night explaining some of the strange things I've experienced during my stay in Woodville, but for the sake of time I'll keep things short.  Besides finding out that my mom and my sister don't work well together under stress, (there was a lot of screaming and flinging of dresses) I learned that people in Woodville have far less teeth than normal people.  I've yet to determine if this is due to inbreeding or if people here are facing a toothbrush shortage.  Another thing I've noticed is that people here looooooooooove to wear cowboy boots and chaps...even if they aren't riding horses.  It's as if Mr. Cowboy from The Village People started a cult and recruited every male in town.  I half expected people to start chanting "one of us...one of us" as I walked down main street.  Speaking of main street, there isn't a whole lot to do around here.  However, one form of entertainment comes through...EATING.  Holy hyperbola, I have never eaten so much good stuff in such a short period of time.  From chocolate pies and fresh squeezed lemonade to four pound Texas burgers and deep fried shrimp, my stomach has died and gone to heaven again and again.  Seriously...everything tastes better on a stick, including but not limited to: shrimp, oysters, sausages, potatoes, boudin, pickles, chicken wings, and pork.

I ingested like three of these.

At the end of the day though, after everything has all started to come to a close...I'm glad it went down.  We ended up having some fun as a family, which seems hard to come by these days.  I just never would have expected to find it at a beauty pageant in the middle of a social wasteland.  Let me know what strange family traditions you really don't mind putting up with.

Happy Easter!
<3 Cam