I REALLY DON'T LIKE TESTS.
Like a lot.
What I'm trying to get across is I don't enjoy them in the least.
If you're wondering about my disdain for objective examination, know that I relish free time, especially when it doesn't involve test preparation. After all, I go to school 7 hours a day...do I really need to stuff in even more while I'm at home? I'm normally not a complainer about this sort of thing, but since it's national AP testing for the next two weeks, I figured I'd express some of my emotions toward the subject.
Did I mention testing isn't on my list of things I like to do?
Anyway, after examining the study habits of myself as well as my peers, I have compiled a list of how people handle tests, or studying in general. Chances are you'll fall into at least one of these categories or perhaps somewhere in between them.
Obsessive, Compulsive, and Kind of Scary
This test taker takes education very VERY seriously. To them, a grade isn't just a letter or a number...it's a way of life. There's a party this Friday night? Too freaking bad, because there's an anatomy test over the bones of the foot in a week and a half, and they have to start studying RIGHT NOW. You just found out you've contracted ebola and have a week to live? That's nice but this tester needed the notes from yesterday's government class before you started telling your stupid sob story. This person eats, sleeps, and breathes scantrons and number two pencils. In fact, many only know the first five letters of the alphabet after dedicating themselves so heavily to multiple choice sections of exams. These people take their own social lives and strangle them to death in an effort to reach that perfect score. Don't stand in the way of their goals for world domin - I mean good grades...they just might have to kill you.
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| "Get. Out." |
Time-Killer
Most widely known as the procrastinator, this person relies on a made up belief that they can somehow alter the fundamental laws of nature. They truly believe they can control time. Let's give this person a deadline to make a peanut butter sandwich (say 5:00). The procrastinator's thought process would go like this:
4:00
"All right...Sandwich time! I could go for some potato salad right about now..."
4:10
"This is a really funny episode of Golden Girls."
4:20
"I think I'll take a nap."
4:59
"Wasn't I supposed to do something by five..."
4:59:99
"OH GOD SANDWICH"
As you can see, this person is like the guy who defuses the bomb at the very last second in all those cool spy movies. Unlike in the movies however, the procrastinator will probably somehow screw things up because they waited until the last second to have the epiphany that would probably go a little something like this: "WOOPS I really don't know what I'm doing...someone should probably call in an expert," but in reality its too late because the bomb has already exploded and everyone you've ever known and loved is dead because you chose to procrastinate. Congratulations procastinator. I hope you're happy.
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| Stuff really piles up for these people. |
Nervous Nelly
These kids are characterized by their strange ticks come test time. They're often seen (from afar of course) muttering quickly and quietly to themselves, frantically poring over notes, and overall looking like sketchy characters. During an actual test they'll often let out some really disconcerting moans of displeasure in response to the questions. They also habitually tap their pencil so fast while thinking, one would swear a motorboat was starting up nearby. These people get so nervous, they almost always screw up the bubbling of answers and have to start over, which makes their neurotic tendencies even more pronounced and obnoxious. After they've answered every question (or in some cases left every question blank) this test taker will just sit there, staring...hoping that at the end of the day it really is JUST a test and that when they return home, their parents won't will might still love them.
These kids are characterized by their strange ticks come test time. They're often seen (from afar of course) muttering quickly and quietly to themselves, frantically poring over notes, and overall looking like sketchy characters. During an actual test they'll often let out some really disconcerting moans of displeasure in response to the questions. They also habitually tap their pencil so fast while thinking, one would swear a motorboat was starting up nearby. These people get so nervous, they almost always screw up the bubbling of answers and have to start over, which makes their neurotic tendencies even more pronounced and obnoxious. After they've answered every question (or in some cases left every question blank) this test taker will just sit there, staring...hoping that at the end of the day it really is JUST a test and that when they return home, their parents won't will might still love them.
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| Jeez, chill out girl. This is a library. Everyone knows you're supposed to be quiet in a library. |
Laterrrrrrr
Cam
