CORGIS !@#$ YEAH

If you know me then you know I have a secret passion. A passion for a little dog with little legs and a little tail...The Pembroke Welsh Corgi. These magnificent creatures are often spotted in the wild, accompanied by extremely cool kids. It is my hope that one day I will be one of these "cool kids" and share companionship with a Corgi I may call my own.

 The above diagram shows everything I like about Corgis. These dogs are perfect - they aren't too big or small, their ears are freaking sweet, and they have stubby little legs. But the most important thing to note is their butts. LOOK AT THEIR LITTLE TAILS. Anyway a little background info on Corgis I've pulled from google in addition to a bunch of adorable pictures:

The word "Corgi" is believed to come from the Welsh words "cor" which means dwarf, and "ci" which means dog. "Ci" eventually evolved into "gi" thus forming "Corgi". (Excuse my excessive and incorrectly used quotation marks.) The full history of Corgis isn't entirely known, but they were for sure used as working dogs. These little guys are excellent at herding cattle, and this was believed to be their main purpose in life. Other jobs could include guarding farmyards and houses, corralling fowl, or just ratting. But for the most part, these dogs were considered servants rather than companions.

Nowadays though, Corgis are gaining wide popularity for their charming good looks, intelligence, and playful nature. In fact, Queen Elizabeth II can arguably called the most famous Corgi enthusiast around! As a young girl, Princess Elizabeth's father owned a Corgi named Dookie. The royal family loved Dookie so much, they purchased him a friend named Jane. Jane and Dookie fell in love, and the family kept two of their puppies - Crackers and Carol. When Princess Elizabeth turned 18, she was given her very own Corgi named Susan. Since then, she has owned over 30 Corgis, most of which are Susan's descendants.

With that brief history lesson over, let's recap. I love Corgis. They're amazing. I love them so much, I created a tumblr JUST to stalk follow Corgi blogs. I've been looking at animal shelters / breeders to see about acquiring one of these little munchkins, but we'll see. If I do manage to provide a home for one, expect lots and lots of pictures and stories. That thing'll be like my baby. As a parting gift, here's some Corgi advice.

Cam

I Can See Russia from my Cruise Ship.

Alaska. Home of diverse fauna and flora, gorgeous glaciers, and Sarah Palin. It's also where I've been for the last week! My family and I took a last minute cruise to Alaska aboard the Sapphire Princess. Once you get past the fact that only old people take that cruise, it was a lot of fun! Here's the short version:

First I took a plane to Seattle. It was completely uneventful except for the full body scanning and creepy TSA agents.

Next I got to Seattle and checked in to the Holiday Inn Express. Classy! (And uneventful.)

My family and I headed to the dock and waited in a long line the next morning. More security checkpoints to pass through, but these were much less invasive than the airport ones. I even got to keep my shoes on and didn't go past first base with the security officer. After that was more waiting in line to show our passports. The nice lady behind the desk couldn't believe I was in college, thus reaffirming the fact that I will forever look 5 years younger than I actually am. Finally we head outside...and wait in another line, this time to board the ship. Eventually they let us on and an overly excited photographer took our picture in front of a tropical background with a picture of the ship in it. This is apparently the best way to remember waiting in line for a cruise...to Alaska. Ingenious!

Our main deck.

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

I'm going to Alaska today! I bet cool stuff will happen and I bet it'll end up on this blog!

Snowing in the Summertime

One of my favorite things about summer has got to be the sno-cones. Whoever thought of taking frozen water and mixing it with radioactive looking syrup is a marketing genius. There's a snow-cone stand I discovered with my friend ChanAn (sounds like shenanigans) called Snow Beach. Apparently it's an Austin staple that I had never heard about...here's how the journey to Sno-Beach unfolded.

Me Gusta

Wow, I almost forgot I had a blog! (Kidding, I'm just really good at procrastinating. Who needs regular updates anyway...overrated!) Needless to say I'm still alive. I was actually considering deleting this blog under the pretext that no one actually reads it. Low and behold people do read my stuff! I'm going to attach a screenshot of my all time page views to prove it and boost my self esteem.

Click to enlarge!

Despite the fact that approximately 80% of the views from the United States were me refreshing the page until someone commented on one of my posts and 10% were my mom, I am surprised that real people have even looked at this thing. In reality most of the page views are from people accidentally clicking on my link while googling obscure fetish porn, but I'm going to tell myself that 13 people in the Netherlands think I'm hilarious and charming. One thing I'm disappointed about is the amount of Internet Explorer users that read "But Now I Digress." May God help you...

But seriously, I am flattered that I have a teeny tiny following, it makes me feel like a rock star. That being said, I am going to make some changes. From now on, I will post more often. I know I've said this before, but that was mostly because my mother nagged me about how I never follow through with anything. SO - expect more posts. Compared to my current production track record, this should be an easy fix. And if you have anything you want me to write about / questions you want answered, email me!

camjam80@embarqmail.com 

Who knows - you may be featured on the blog! On a scale from 1 to 10 with a one being "that time your parents forgot your birthday" and a ten being "that time you waited in line for the bathroom three spots behind Oprah"...being featured on my blog would probably be about a 2. Live long and prosper! And leave me comments to further enhance my feelings of paranoia and self-grandeur!

<3 Cam

Student Athletes

I'm a nerd.  I look like a vampire because I spend my days in the library crying about how much I hate chemistry.  My arms are little more than limp noodles from a bowl of Campbell's reduced fat chicken noodle soup.  So when the following happens, I die a little inside.

It's happened to everyone:  Walking along, minding your own business, the birds are chirping, the sky is blue, the grass is green (assuming we're on Earth where grass isn't jacked up).  All of a sudden, an object of sporty origin - it could be a frisbee, baseball, football, etc. - arcs a little bit too far from someone's grasp, and lands right in front of you.  From here, you are presented with several options.  You could:

1) Keep on walking, and act like you didn't see the object, or that you're in too much of a hurry to stop and return it to the person.  This will make you look like a total tool.

2) Pick up the object and walk it back to the person.  This option is very safe, but people will think you are weird and/or laugh at your inability to throw anything more than three feet away from yourself.

3) Pick up the object and attempt to throw it back.  Depending on your strength, dexterity, and confidence levels, there may be a chance the object will land gracefully in the receiver's hands.

This recently happened to me.  A football happened to land near me on my way back from the library.  (It was a Saturday, I really need a life)  Anyway, I made the mistake of stopping to see a frat boy waving "HEY BRO OVER HERE.  BRO!"  Dread hit me like a brick wall.  I picked up the football - there goes option number 1.  I could make the walk of shame, but he was really REALLY far away.  Like more than ten feet away - the odds of me throwing it and escaping with some dignity were less than that of Annakin blowing up the Death Star.  I opted out of option 2, leaving only option 3.  I was going to throw that football.

As soon as I decided on this, I realized the error in my decision.  I can't throw anything except maybe my back out.  And the wind was blowing kind of hard...chances are the football would blow off course and hit someone in the face...and my backpack was on - I can't throw with my backpack on, my genetics book weighed as much as a small child!  As I mentioned earlier, strength as well as dexterity and confidence levels wigh very heavily on this option.  Initially, my confidence was the only thing going for me.  At this point, it was long gone...but the frat boy was waiting.  My eyes met his - he really wanted his ball back.  I really wanted him to get it back without me looking like an idiot.  Despair consumed me.  I grimaced and brought my arm back, then grotesquely hurled it forward as if it were a ramshackle medieval catapult.  The moment of truth had arrived.

Like a dying bird flapping its last, the ball spun out of control and landed about ten feet away from its intended destination.  "Uhhhh thanks" said the frat boy as he retrieved his prize.  I muttered something casual and bro-like but hurried away to the refuge of my dorm room.

In conclusion, who needs to be coordinated?  I consider being uncoordinated an ability to be proud of as well, kind of like being left handed.

Who am I kidding.  I've got chemistry to do.

Cam

Going Up

We've all experienced it.  For some people it may have been uncomfortable.  Some may have found it quite pleasant.  Most find it forgettable.  What is "it"?  An elevator ride of course!  The reason for this post (after my recent dry spell which I apologize for friends) is to discuss rides up and/or down in those metal hellholes humans invented after stairs went out of style.  I live on the 18th floor of my building, so I thought I could share some of my personal elevator stories with you dear readers.

Where Do You Think You're Going?
After a long Friday night of...studying...(Hi mom) I enter my building and head to the elevator.  The doors open and I step in, hitting 18.  A deep sigh reminds me of just how tired I really am, the sweet siren song of my Tempur-Pedic pillow within 18 stories of vertical distance.  Just as the doors are about to close, a hand bedazzled with rings that clearly came from the dollar store intrudes into my private little box.  The hand is soon joined by its body - a sad sight for my current sleepy state.  It was a sorority girl coming home from a party, the dress requirements of which appeared to be a cross between Hannah Montana teeny-bopper and KE$HA white trash.  The only thing more annoying than her general presence was the smacking of her gum and the way she talked to the poor soul on the other end of her Blackberry.

This is a good reference pic.

"HEY *SMACK* HEY *SMACK* LAUGH OUT LOUD!  GIRL HOLD ON OKAY?  *smack*  OKAY?  OH EM JEE SHUT UP? *smack* NO I'M IN THE ELEVATOR.  *smack* NO NOBODY'S IN HERE BITCH!  HAHAHAHA  *snort/laugh*  HOLD ON GIRL HOLD UP."  She then turns to me and asks "HEY MAN IS THIS GOING UP OR DOWN?"  Keep in mind we were clearly on the ground floor of the building...The elevator even says: "Floor one, going up!" every time the door opens.  Despite it being such a late hour, my sense of humor remained intact.  Plus I felt like being a smart-aleck.  My ensuing response was, "Sorry but this one's going down...to hell!" 

Let's just say she didn't get the joke.

Room For One More
I was heading out for the evening from my 18th floor nest.  The elevator came and I was greeted by a lift PACKED with people.  My immediate hesitation must have been evident as the lift's occupants all shouted "Hey man, you can fit come on!  We'll just squeeze a little tighter!"  I begrudgingly accepted their invitation.  As soon as the doors closed I regretted the stupidity of the situation.

Nooooo!

Every time I exhaled it was as if I were getting to second base with the 8 people surrounding me.  Yes, it was that packed; you could say I envied sardines.  Then someone exclaimed: "Guys guys guys...Everybody jump on the count of three!"  Fortunately a girl that was hyperventilating in the back corner suggested that this may not be the best course of action.  Unfortunately no one cared about what the stupid girl with the brown bag said.  "One..."  My life begins to flash before my eyes.  "Two..."  I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel blooming in the distance.  "Three!"  I close my eyes and fresh air surrounds me.  Oh God, have I really died surrounded by idiots?  That's when I realize the clean air of heaven is actually the AC coming through the elevator doors open on the first floor.  People quickly file out of the elevator with looks of disappointment on their faces, sad to have missed out on the thrill of potentially plummeting to their deaths.  I merely make a note to myself:

"There isn't always room for one more after all."

The Four Loko Factor
Before I can start this story, I need to give a quick lesson on Four Loko for those who are lucky enough not to know about it.  Four Loko is an excruciatingly disgusting beverage - half malt liquor and half energy drink.  It's as if a frat boy thought "Huh, I wonder what would happen if I took the depressive effects of cheap alcohol and combined them with a disgusting stimulant such as those found in cheap sugary energy drinks."  Whereas a frat boy may not have followed through with such an idea, Phusion Projects Incorporated did.  Four Loko is now banned in several areas across the United States, as college campuses from coast to coast were experiencing alarming increases in hospitalization due to alcohol related incidences connected to the beverage.

Now that you know what it is, on with the show!  It was a dark and stormy night when the following events transpired and well past the witching hour.  Actually the weather was kind of nice, but since this took place on Halloween I thought I could set the scene nicely.  I was returning from a midnight snack of pumpkin pancakes at a 24/7 café down the street.  I'm waiting for the elevator when in comes two guys.  It's safe to say they were coming from a nearby Halloween party, as one was dressed as a banana, and the other a gorilla.  (Not very original, but I'll give them an A for effort)  Both were clutching cans of Four Loko.  As we waited they asked me to be their timekeeper.  I didn't really know what they were talking about, but I absentmindedly agreed.  As soon as I started counting aloud, they popped the tops to their cans and CHUGGED.  Now let me tell you - Four Loko cans are big.  And potent.  And should not be chugged in 6 seconds like these guys did.  After high fives and chest bumps are exchanged we step into the elevator  At floor 12, banana suddenly gets silent.  At floor 13, he pokes his head into his suit.  At floor 14, he vomits...a lot.  At floor 17, the vomit starts leaking out of his suit creating a sickening pool of blue raspberry flavored puke that smells an awful lot like death.  Thankfully I escaped in time to here his gorilla buddy following suit.  I didn't need to see what the green apple flavor looked like on its second trip through his esophagus.

And that's how I got to see two guys dressed up as a banana and a gorilla throw up rainbows.


In other news, thanks for reading this...And sorry for posting at such an inexcusable rate.  I've been busy doing stupid stuff like being responsible and growing up.  My apologies dear readers.

<3 Cam