Adverting Your Attention

The three people reading this may notice a change to my page.  The little white google ads are there to do whatever it is ads do, and they're generated by keywords from my blog.  So, this week they're suggesting defensive driving classes, and used car sales; pretty cool huh?

Just a picture to take up space.  It's an
advertisement...relevant?  I think yes!

"Aside from the feng shui of my page, ads are also on my mind.   You see, I've managed to find a new addiction...pillaging the limitless bounds of gloriously disturbing craigslist posts that exist today.  Don't worry, I've learned to stay away from the personals section, more commonly known as the human trafficking section.  *Shudder*  Some of the stuff people put on that site is insane!  For example this post entitled "To the Owner of this Sprite Can" was taken word for word from the Houston area lost and found page.  It reads:

"Hi I am sure that you must be looking for it, as it was in fact half full when you lost it. No? Well I just wanted to let you know that I found it in my mailbox and was very appreciative of the gift you had bestowed upon me. As a newly single mother of one six month old baby boy it was a joy neigh, an immeasurable pleasure to end my day dragging my ass out to check the mail while on my third day recovering from pneumonia (just two short days after leaving the hospital) opening my mailbox expecting mail, maybe some news on my child support case that I desperately need after I so very recently found out that my fiancé was fucking around on me while 6 months pregnant with his child...but I digress...No, what I found was not said mail but your missing Sprite can, carefully tucked away. So I did what any rational person in my situation would do. I taped him to a sign and put him up at the entrance to our neighborhood for all to see and hopefully just maybe on your way home from work, school, or wherever the hell you go during the day he will catch your little eye and you two will finally be reunited for good. You can do whatever you want with him, throw him away! recycle him! keep him if you want but let me make myself perfectly clear, if he or anything else EVER ends up in MY mailbox again I swear to God I will hunt you down and make you squeal like the little pig that you are."

Here's the Sprite lady's picture!

I freaking love crazy people.  If this is what happened when someone put a can of soda in her mailbox, what do you think she did when she caught her boyfriend sleeping around?  Even skimming over the titles can tell you a lot.  Here are a few things people are looking to obtain or get rid of on craigslist.

"a man's touch"

"Great Chinese Massage by Amy"

"FREE MANURE"

"~**Beautiful Diaper Cakes**~"

"2 Yr. Old Billy Goat"

"Jackie Kennedy Doll"

"WHISKEY BOTTLES"

"Need a teenager?"

"!*!*!*!*STAY AT HOME MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD*!*!*!*!"

Again, these were all taken off of the Houston area craigslist page.  I know what I'm putting on my Christmas list this year...beautiful diaper cakes and a great Chinese massage by Amy!  Seriously, this list definitely sums up every and any useless / wtf thing I could have ever wanted.

So next time you're bored and have nothing to do, just drop on by your local craigslist page - the freaks are waiting for you!

Cam

Near Death Experiences

I'm minding my own business.  The sun is shining, windows down, radio blasting.  In front of me, an elderly woman pulls into my lane...driving the wrong way.  Time slows down - I see the WWJD fish dangling from her rearview mirror.  I see the smoking Marborlo Light hanging halfway out of her mouth.   I see the stupid pomeranian yipping around in the passenger seat.  I see the glazed over look in her eyes as she holds a cell phone up to her ear.  Most importantly, I see my life flash before my eyes.  Is she having a stroke?  A heart attack?  A fit of narcolepsy?  "No," I figure, "she's just really old and neglected to notice the big ass DO NOT ENTER signs."  After making these observations, I put on my blinker and switch lanes.  She then proceeded to drive on by, completely oblivious to the world around her.  This woman, my friends, is an example of a bad driver.

DON'T BE ONE.

I always drive defensively, making sure to go the speed limit, use turn signals, leave space in front of me, etc.  The majority of the population, it seems, doesn't do this.  How many times have you seen some juiced up D-bag weave in and out of traffic in a truck that's meant to make up for his manhood (or lack thereof) at 90 mph just for the hell of it?  What about the soccer mom who puts her mini-van's crash test rating to the test every day just to get a better parking spot at H-E-B.  Seriously lady, do you strap your kids the top of the car too?  I don't want to sound like your parents with all this lecturing, so I'm going to skip the obvious disregard for safety these people have and get straight to my main point.

If you drive like this, no one likes you.

Seriously folks, driving like that doesn't make your car look like an ass.  It makes YOU look like one.

In other news that kind of relates to the title of this blog, I went skydiving.  It was pretty rad, and I might post the video up here for kicks and giggles.

Much love,
Cam