Machines and Stupid People

We live in a world of ever changing technology and -

Well I'll just skip the deep and insightful introduction regarding man and machine and get right to the point.  Our story begins on a chilly January 19th, 2009.  Los Angeles native Lauren Rosenberg decided to take a stroll through the park.  Unfortunately for Ms. Rosenberg, who was visiting Utah at the time, the area was relatively unfamiliar.  That's when she made the mistake...the mistake that almost cost Lauren HER LIFE.

One day technology will own you and everything you hold dear.

You see dear reader, Lauren Rosenberg used Google Maps to get walking directions from 96 Daly Street to 1710 Prospector Avenue.  What seemed like an innocent inquiry for help from a machine was really a diabolical plot to end Ms. Rosenberg's life...or that's what her lawyer tried to convince the judge.  You see, Google Maps directed her to take a 1/2 mile section Deer Valley Drive, which is a part of Utah State Route 224...a highway that lacks sidewalks...on foot.  A sensible person would use their brain and reconsider the proposed route when approaching a BUSY HIGHWAY WITHOUT SIDEWALKS WHEN THEY ARE IN FACT ON A WALK; Laure Rosenberg proved to the world she is not a sensible person.

Would you trust this little guy over common sense?

This is when Patrick Harwood enters our story.  You see, Mr. Harwood and Ms. Rosenberg's paths crossed when Harwood struck Rossenberg on the very same highway Google Maps instructed Rosenberg to walk on.  She proceeded to sue the driver of the vehicle for an undisclosed amount and Google for $100,000 because of the company's provision of  "unsafe" directions.

After writing this and rereading it, I still have to shake my head and wonder about this woman's thought process.  What really struck me was that there had to be more cases like this out there, involving man's complete and undying trust in the technology they are supposed to be master of.  Another simple example is a British man who drove his BMW onto a road that was clearly designated as unpaved, damaged it, and demanded the damages paid because it was not his fault - the GPS made him do it.  After really thinking about it, most of us have probably done something similar.  For example, I can't even do simple arithmetic without relying on a calculator anymore.  And how many times tried viewing your favorite show on DVR only to have the last five minutes cut out?  The DVR isn't at fault, it just followed the time slots you as a viewer set; yet still it faces our wrath.

The moral of this story should be pretty clear.  Technology is a useful tool and all, but it must always be used in conjunction with human reason.

Well shoot so much for not sounding deep and insightful!

Cam

Adverting Your Attention

The three people reading this may notice a change to my page.  The little white google ads are there to do whatever it is ads do, and they're generated by keywords from my blog.  So, this week they're suggesting defensive driving classes, and used car sales; pretty cool huh?

Just a picture to take up space.  It's an
advertisement...relevant?  I think yes!

"Aside from the feng shui of my page, ads are also on my mind.   You see, I've managed to find a new addiction...pillaging the limitless bounds of gloriously disturbing craigslist posts that exist today.  Don't worry, I've learned to stay away from the personals section, more commonly known as the human trafficking section.  *Shudder*  Some of the stuff people put on that site is insane!  For example this post entitled "To the Owner of this Sprite Can" was taken word for word from the Houston area lost and found page.  It reads:

"Hi I am sure that you must be looking for it, as it was in fact half full when you lost it. No? Well I just wanted to let you know that I found it in my mailbox and was very appreciative of the gift you had bestowed upon me. As a newly single mother of one six month old baby boy it was a joy neigh, an immeasurable pleasure to end my day dragging my ass out to check the mail while on my third day recovering from pneumonia (just two short days after leaving the hospital) opening my mailbox expecting mail, maybe some news on my child support case that I desperately need after I so very recently found out that my fiancé was fucking around on me while 6 months pregnant with his child...but I digress...No, what I found was not said mail but your missing Sprite can, carefully tucked away. So I did what any rational person in my situation would do. I taped him to a sign and put him up at the entrance to our neighborhood for all to see and hopefully just maybe on your way home from work, school, or wherever the hell you go during the day he will catch your little eye and you two will finally be reunited for good. You can do whatever you want with him, throw him away! recycle him! keep him if you want but let me make myself perfectly clear, if he or anything else EVER ends up in MY mailbox again I swear to God I will hunt you down and make you squeal like the little pig that you are."

Here's the Sprite lady's picture!

I freaking love crazy people.  If this is what happened when someone put a can of soda in her mailbox, what do you think she did when she caught her boyfriend sleeping around?  Even skimming over the titles can tell you a lot.  Here are a few things people are looking to obtain or get rid of on craigslist.

"a man's touch"

"Great Chinese Massage by Amy"

"FREE MANURE"

"~**Beautiful Diaper Cakes**~"

"2 Yr. Old Billy Goat"

"Jackie Kennedy Doll"

"WHISKEY BOTTLES"

"Need a teenager?"

"!*!*!*!*STAY AT HOME MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD*!*!*!*!"

Again, these were all taken off of the Houston area craigslist page.  I know what I'm putting on my Christmas list this year...beautiful diaper cakes and a great Chinese massage by Amy!  Seriously, this list definitely sums up every and any useless / wtf thing I could have ever wanted.

So next time you're bored and have nothing to do, just drop on by your local craigslist page - the freaks are waiting for you!

Cam

Near Death Experiences

I'm minding my own business.  The sun is shining, windows down, radio blasting.  In front of me, an elderly woman pulls into my lane...driving the wrong way.  Time slows down - I see the WWJD fish dangling from her rearview mirror.  I see the smoking Marborlo Light hanging halfway out of her mouth.   I see the stupid pomeranian yipping around in the passenger seat.  I see the glazed over look in her eyes as she holds a cell phone up to her ear.  Most importantly, I see my life flash before my eyes.  Is she having a stroke?  A heart attack?  A fit of narcolepsy?  "No," I figure, "she's just really old and neglected to notice the big ass DO NOT ENTER signs."  After making these observations, I put on my blinker and switch lanes.  She then proceeded to drive on by, completely oblivious to the world around her.  This woman, my friends, is an example of a bad driver.

DON'T BE ONE.

I always drive defensively, making sure to go the speed limit, use turn signals, leave space in front of me, etc.  The majority of the population, it seems, doesn't do this.  How many times have you seen some juiced up D-bag weave in and out of traffic in a truck that's meant to make up for his manhood (or lack thereof) at 90 mph just for the hell of it?  What about the soccer mom who puts her mini-van's crash test rating to the test every day just to get a better parking spot at H-E-B.  Seriously lady, do you strap your kids the top of the car too?  I don't want to sound like your parents with all this lecturing, so I'm going to skip the obvious disregard for safety these people have and get straight to my main point.

If you drive like this, no one likes you.

Seriously folks, driving like that doesn't make your car look like an ass.  It makes YOU look like one.

In other news that kind of relates to the title of this blog, I went skydiving.  It was pretty rad, and I might post the video up here for kicks and giggles.

Much love,
Cam