Adverting Your Attention

The three people reading this may notice a change to my page.  The little white google ads are there to do whatever it is ads do, and they're generated by keywords from my blog.  So, this week they're suggesting defensive driving classes, and used car sales; pretty cool huh?

Just a picture to take up space.  It's an
advertisement...relevant?  I think yes!

"Aside from the feng shui of my page, ads are also on my mind.   You see, I've managed to find a new addiction...pillaging the limitless bounds of gloriously disturbing craigslist posts that exist today.  Don't worry, I've learned to stay away from the personals section, more commonly known as the human trafficking section.  *Shudder*  Some of the stuff people put on that site is insane!  For example this post entitled "To the Owner of this Sprite Can" was taken word for word from the Houston area lost and found page.  It reads:

"Hi I am sure that you must be looking for it, as it was in fact half full when you lost it. No? Well I just wanted to let you know that I found it in my mailbox and was very appreciative of the gift you had bestowed upon me. As a newly single mother of one six month old baby boy it was a joy neigh, an immeasurable pleasure to end my day dragging my ass out to check the mail while on my third day recovering from pneumonia (just two short days after leaving the hospital) opening my mailbox expecting mail, maybe some news on my child support case that I desperately need after I so very recently found out that my fiancé was fucking around on me while 6 months pregnant with his child...but I digress...No, what I found was not said mail but your missing Sprite can, carefully tucked away. So I did what any rational person in my situation would do. I taped him to a sign and put him up at the entrance to our neighborhood for all to see and hopefully just maybe on your way home from work, school, or wherever the hell you go during the day he will catch your little eye and you two will finally be reunited for good. You can do whatever you want with him, throw him away! recycle him! keep him if you want but let me make myself perfectly clear, if he or anything else EVER ends up in MY mailbox again I swear to God I will hunt you down and make you squeal like the little pig that you are."

Here's the Sprite lady's picture!

I freaking love crazy people.  If this is what happened when someone put a can of soda in her mailbox, what do you think she did when she caught her boyfriend sleeping around?  Even skimming over the titles can tell you a lot.  Here are a few things people are looking to obtain or get rid of on craigslist.

"a man's touch"

"Great Chinese Massage by Amy"

"FREE MANURE"

"~**Beautiful Diaper Cakes**~"

"2 Yr. Old Billy Goat"

"Jackie Kennedy Doll"

"WHISKEY BOTTLES"

"Need a teenager?"

"!*!*!*!*STAY AT HOME MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD*!*!*!*!"

Again, these were all taken off of the Houston area craigslist page.  I know what I'm putting on my Christmas list this year...beautiful diaper cakes and a great Chinese massage by Amy!  Seriously, this list definitely sums up every and any useless / wtf thing I could have ever wanted.

So next time you're bored and have nothing to do, just drop on by your local craigslist page - the freaks are waiting for you!

Cam

Near Death Experiences

I'm minding my own business.  The sun is shining, windows down, radio blasting.  In front of me, an elderly woman pulls into my lane...driving the wrong way.  Time slows down - I see the WWJD fish dangling from her rearview mirror.  I see the smoking Marborlo Light hanging halfway out of her mouth.   I see the stupid pomeranian yipping around in the passenger seat.  I see the glazed over look in her eyes as she holds a cell phone up to her ear.  Most importantly, I see my life flash before my eyes.  Is she having a stroke?  A heart attack?  A fit of narcolepsy?  "No," I figure, "she's just really old and neglected to notice the big ass DO NOT ENTER signs."  After making these observations, I put on my blinker and switch lanes.  She then proceeded to drive on by, completely oblivious to the world around her.  This woman, my friends, is an example of a bad driver.

DON'T BE ONE.

I always drive defensively, making sure to go the speed limit, use turn signals, leave space in front of me, etc.  The majority of the population, it seems, doesn't do this.  How many times have you seen some juiced up D-bag weave in and out of traffic in a truck that's meant to make up for his manhood (or lack thereof) at 90 mph just for the hell of it?  What about the soccer mom who puts her mini-van's crash test rating to the test every day just to get a better parking spot at H-E-B.  Seriously lady, do you strap your kids the top of the car too?  I don't want to sound like your parents with all this lecturing, so I'm going to skip the obvious disregard for safety these people have and get straight to my main point.

If you drive like this, no one likes you.

Seriously folks, driving like that doesn't make your car look like an ass.  It makes YOU look like one.

In other news that kind of relates to the title of this blog, I went skydiving.  It was pretty rad, and I might post the video up here for kicks and giggles.

Much love,
Cam

Testing, Testing, 1 2 3

There isn't a snarky remark to open this blog post.  I just freaking hate tests.

I REALLY DON'T LIKE TESTS.

Like a lot.

What I'm trying to get across is I don't enjoy them in the least.

If you're wondering about my disdain for objective examination, know that I relish free time, especially when it doesn't involve test preparation.  After all, I go to school 7 hours a day...do I really need to stuff in even more while I'm at home?  I'm normally not a complainer about this sort of thing, but since it's national AP testing for the next two weeks, I figured I'd express some of my emotions toward the subject.

Did I mention testing isn't on my list of things I like to do?

Anyway, after examining the study habits of myself as well as my peers, I have compiled a list of how people handle tests, or studying in general.  Chances are you'll fall into at least one of these categories or perhaps somewhere in between them.

Obsessive, Compulsive, and Kind of Scary

This test taker takes education very VERY seriously.  To them, a grade isn't just a letter or a number...it's a way of life.  There's a party this Friday night?  Too freaking bad, because there's an anatomy test over the bones of the foot in a week and a half, and they have to start studying RIGHT NOW.  You just found out you've contracted ebola and have a week to live?  That's nice but this tester needed the notes from yesterday's government class before you started telling your stupid sob story.  This person eats, sleeps, and breathes scantrons and number two pencils.  In fact, many only know the first five letters of the alphabet after dedicating themselves so heavily to multiple choice sections of exams.  These people take their own social lives and strangle them to death in an effort to reach that perfect score.  Don't stand in the way of their goals for world domin - I mean good grades...they just might have to kill you.

"Get.  Out."

Time-Killer

Most widely known as the procrastinator, this person relies on a made up belief that they can somehow alter the fundamental laws of nature.  They truly believe they can control time.  Let's give this person a deadline to make a peanut butter sandwich (say 5:00).  The procrastinator's thought process would go like this:

4:00

"All right...Sandwich time!  I could go for some potato salad right about now..."

4:10

"This is a really funny episode of Golden Girls."

4:20

"I think I'll take a nap."

4:59

"Wasn't I supposed to do something by five..."

4:59:99

"OH GOD SANDWICH"

As you can see, this person is like the guy who defuses the bomb at the very last second in all those cool spy movies.  Unlike in the movies however, the procrastinator will probably somehow screw things up because they waited until the last second to have the epiphany that would probably go a little something like this: "WOOPS I really don't know what I'm doing...someone should probably call in an expert," but in reality its too late because the bomb has already exploded and everyone you've ever known and loved is dead because you chose to procrastinate.  Congratulations procastinator.  I hope you're happy.

Stuff really piles up for these people.

Nervous Nelly
These kids are characterized by their strange ticks come test time.  They're often seen (from afar of course) muttering quickly and quietly to themselves, frantically poring over notes, and overall looking like sketchy characters.  During an actual test they'll often let out some really disconcerting moans of displeasure in response to the questions.  They also habitually tap their pencil so fast while thinking, one would swear a motorboat was starting up nearby.  These people get so nervous, they almost always screw up the bubbling of answers and have to start over, which makes their neurotic tendencies even more pronounced and obnoxious.  After they've answered every question (or in some cases left every question blank) this test taker will just sit there, staring...hoping that at the end of the day it really is JUST a test and that when they return home, their parents won't will might still love them.

Jeez, chill out girl.  This is a library.  Everyone knows
you're supposed to be quiet in a library.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day.  I'm surprised I have any left with all of these AP tests going on...Sorry I haven't posted in so long!

Laterrrrrrr

Cam